Mean Santa Spotted at Work Part 2

Breaking news story, mean santa has been beat up and the Santa hat taken away. In work speak he has been " Hayzed".

Mean Santa Spotted at Work

Christmas is upon us. The snow has blanketed the land. Christmas lights are up everywhere decorating the landscape. Is there anything that could ruin such a beautiful time? Yeah that jerk at work that wants to be the grinch. Sure he may wear the hat of jollyness, but his attitude stinks and wears ugly Hawaiian shirts! Oh yeah his initials are JH.

PAGING MR. SMITH!!!!!

Most companies have an elaborate P.A. system and my company is no exception! The floor has been recently renovated and all our desks are brand spanking new. Now the P.A. system speakers are scattered throughout the floor. It's really great. There is only one problem. The volume is set to infinity so every time there is an announcement I pretty much crap my pants.

Sand People Choir

I've heard some terrible choirs in my time but recently I came across an unlikely masterpiece. The "Sand People Choir". Truly a sound that captures the essence of it all. But they could not be in the position that they are in without the help of their manager and Jedi Knight, Obi Wan Kenobi. Click picture for video.

"Oh yeah, I Fell Asleep on the Blue Line........"

This morning's commute was a rough one. I had to clean 6 inches of snow off my car. Start it up and let warm up. Plus I had to get up earlier because traffic to work was totally congested. If I only had taken public transportation to work I could of avoided all the hassle. I guess the only danger in that would be falling asleep on the train and missing my stop, which in turn would make me late work.

PS. Blue line and his initials are JM.

The Emperor is not as Forgiving as I am.......

Yeah Right! So am I to believe that being choked to death by the dark side of the force is more merciful than being electrocuted by the Emperor's lightning rays? I don't think so. I'll be a henchmen in the empire over any officer position. Perhaps I could be in charge of the garbage disposals on the detention level in the deathstar. Can't piss off the emperor or Darth Vader there.

Just a Thought......

A friend once told me that he used to work at a fire hydrant factory. Good benefits and all but he couldn't park near the place.

Talk about Computer Rooms!

Our computer room has grown from the humbling beginings of 2 rows of computer racks to infinity rows of racks! They have also added a nice feature of a big red dots at the end of each row. Things are really shaping up around here!

WTF!

The breath-taking design of the Nicosphere 3000 signals a breakthrough for smokers of all ages. Using the latest Nicological technology, the Nicosphere 3000 offers a discreet smoking environment for its user. The system has six smoking programmes, all designed to fit your busy lifestyle and has been ergonomically designed to fit either the male or female torso. Unlike other systems, there’s no need to envelop your whole body; the Nicosphere helmet simply covers your head. Excess smoke is then pumped to a small back pack where it can be easily disposed of. Most importantly, the Nicosphere 3000 really works!

" These aren't the droids you're looking for....."

Last night me and my co-workers went out drinking to a local bar, Cactus. Primarily to drink and have fun. Perhaps the fact that pitchers of Miller Lite were only $3 was a reason too. Anyway when it came time to pay the bill, $9. I wanted to try something. Do you see where I'm going with this? "You don't need $9". "Move along". Long story short, it didn't work.

DON'T DO IT!!!!!! STOP!!!!!

Please put it down. I know things may look bleak now but think of everything you will lose. Your obviously hot so me and all the other guys will lose out. The place you work at will have to hire a new bartender so they will lose out. No wait.........Put it down for the children...Do it for the children.

PS - Great Outfit! Goodbye.

Ohh Did You Say Something.......

This is my car. It is faster, sleeker, and more sophisticated than your car. It has seating for 2. Me and not you. It has a 12 cylinder engine that gets 4 miles to the gallon, but goes a gazillion miles an hour. Did I mention it is a Ferrari? It's bright red gets the attention of all the ladies. Does your Saturn do that? Thought so. Oh yeah.........Talk to the hand! Boo Yaaaaaa!

Local Man Bombs with Vanilla Ice Costume

Ah the excitement of Halloween and dressing up for the party of the year. So what the hell was this guy thinking? He needs to get into his 5.0 and ride on outta here!

The IT staff are finally getting high tech desks. These are really cool! There will be dual monitors attached by brackets to the the desk. All cords will be managed by an intricate cable management system hidden from sight. The computers will be placed under the desks on telescopic trays on each side. Power management, along with cable management will be contained under the desk hidden from sight allowing for an organized and civilized look.

Oh yeah and by the way, I'm sitting at this desk!

The Top 10 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.


2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.


3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.


4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.


5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.


6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.


7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."


8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.


9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.


10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

Speechless

Pretty much speaks for itself.

Ode To Beer

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

My Beautiful Visio

Last couple of months I have been working on a project at work essentially making the exchange environment accessible remotely thru OWA(Outlook Web access) and RPC Thru HTTP. It was a living hell! But I got it to work and here is the fantastic Visio diagram I made. Enjoy!

My Wifey's World

My wife in a sexy club dress. She is the love of my life!

A Tribute to the Weather Man

Or should I say weather woman? This is a holler out to the weather lady that brightens up my mornings. Let's me know whether I should wear a sweater today or a light cotten shirt. If I should bring my umbrella or my sunglasses. But most importantly a smile to my face! So cheers to Jackie Guerrido, the hottest damn weather woman I have ever seen!